Zero Draft — Volume One
Sometimes getting help is the bravest thing you can do.
Especially when you’re a desert no one thinks belongs in the group.
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Every September, Seattle hosts a desert support group.
“Welcome back everyone,” said Marvin, a locally licensed support group technician and average coffee maker.
The doors flung open.
“The party has arrived,” shouted the Sahara as he sauntered in.
“Dude, you’re late,” snapped Death Valley.
“Sorry, duuuuddeeee. Some of us had to catch a flight. I bet your mom dropped you off.”
“It’s more eco-friendly that way,” said Mojave.
“Stay out of it, Mom,” said Death Valley.
A lesser trained local support group technician would have lost the room, but Marvin was in fact trained.
“Now, now. We are just glad you all could make it, but let’s bring the conversation back to the center.”
Sahara huffed, but didn’t protest. He spun his chair around and sat on it backwards.
“Great. Now, who would like to kick us off?”
“I’ve got something to say…” said Antarctica.
“Oh here we go again. Are you even a desert?!” asked Kalahari.
“Takes an imposter to know one,” said Atacama.
“Kali has a point though,” said Namib in a voice far too sultry for the situation. “Anti is not even hot.”
Sahara slid his chair next to Namib.
“Is it just me or are the two of us making that AC unit sweat,” he said.
“Gross,” said Death Valley.
Marvin called on Antarctica who still had his hand high in the air.
“Precipitation,” he gasped. “It has nothing to do with heat and they all know it. Just cause I’m twice their size…”
“Bring that ice to my house and we’ll see who’s larger,” said Kalahari.
“Now, Kalahari, what have we said before about projecting?” asked Marvin.
“I’m just picking fights because I have an insecurity within myself to battle.”
“Exactly,” said Marvin. “We keep walking, we…”
“Find the oasis,” said the Deserts in unison.
“Great. And looks like we have a newcomer to the group. Pennsylvania, what’s your story?”
Pennsylvania scooped up his drooping cherry.
“Um… I think I may be in the wrong room.”
Story #4 of Zero Draft
Behind the Draft
This one had a slightly different tone than last week’s.
The idea for this one popped into my head when I was walking by the TV and my daughter was watching a show about Antarctica. They mentioned that it was the world’s largest desert because, despite the ice, it lacks enough precipitation. I had never really thought about that, and instantly wondered what the other hot deserts thought about Antarctica being included alongside them.
Thankfully, inflation is high in Seattle, and Marvin is always looking for work.
I should add a disclaimer that Marvin is not based on a real person, as far as I know. But after I made this one, I did research whether all of my Zero Drafts needed a disclaimer like this to ensure you don’t think they were based on an actual support group technician helping deserts overcome their deep-seated issues.
The answer was “unlikely,” but I am including the disclaimer here just in case.
STAY IN THE LOOP.
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